I made a resolution, such as it is, at the start of the year that I would spend less time writing about religion this year. Sometimes, though, religion crops up with stupid crap that is utterly irresistible.
The following text, purporting to be a short essay by Andy Rooney has been making it's way around the intertubes as a meme. It's rolled past my inbox and various places I visit on the net a few times lately. Since someone I know posted it, I thought I'd use this forum to post a point-by-point rebuttal. I think it's important to rebut this argument because it is steeped in distortions, and outright lies that, if left unchallenged, might lead some to believe that the argument is actually valid.
The original text is in red and italic. My comments will be in whatever the normal colour you've set for your browser is... probably black.
Andy Rooney and PrayerAndy Rooney says:
[edit] Problem number 1. As was pointed out by commenter Noadi, the text wasn't penned by Andy Rooney.
I don't believe in Santa Claus, but I'm not going to sue somebody for singing a Ho-Ho-Ho song in December. I don't agree with Darwin , but I didn't go out and hire a lawyer when my high school teacher taught his Theory of Evolution.
Of course you don't sue someone for singing Ho Ho HO... but Christians do howl vociferously at the intrusion of the very commercial Santa Claus on their holiday. In fact, it's one of the few places I actually agree with Christians - I think the commercialization of Christmas is an abomination. But as far as I know it's true that Christians don't sue about Jingle Bells.
Not agreeing with Darwin isn't a big deal... Darwin's pronouncements are 150 years old. Although they formed the basis of some modern knowledge, his oeuvre, taken as laid down in the 19th century is useful only as an historical document. However, the Theory of Evolution as it has been refined and enhanced with the accumulation of 150 years of evidence is, quite simply, a fact. If you aren't convinced that evolution takes place now and has always taken place since the beginning of life, then you are an idiot - there's just no other way to say it. There is a literal mountain of evidence to support evolution and it's easy to look up. The fact of evolution is not in dispute, despite a small number of publicity-seeking creationists who would have you believe otherwise. If you cannot or will not understand the fact of evolution then I genuinely pity you. I also know that plenty of Christians do understand and accept evolution because they're not unthinking drones who just bleat like sheep whenever some fundamentalist moron starts lying to them.
Christians have, however, run to their lawyers to prevent the teaching of evolution. Within the last 12 months, numerous US states have tried to ram through Jesus legislation that would teach creationism as a scientific theory equal to evolution. That's stupid - it denies reality, and despicable because it hobbles the education of children in favour of Bronze Age tribal superstition. People should be ashamed that in the 21st century, in one of the most technologically advanced nations in the world, there are people who believe that the world was magically bleemed into existence by a sky-fairy only 6000 years ago. Within the last 15 years, textbooks in some parts of the USA have had to carry warnings about evolution like cigarettes carry warnings. Right now, this very week, Texas legislators have shoved through a religious-based set of conservative changes to the state's history curriculum. This will affect the education of most students in the USA since the large market of Texas affects the content of text books across the country. Christian conservatives have literally taken away the rights of people to hear the truth in that state. Fundamentalist Christians are scrambling like rats on a sinking ship to enshrine their particular idiocy in the laws of the USA in the hopes that they can make a conservative (read: religious nutbag) paradise like the Republic of Gilead.
Life, liberty or your pursuit of happiness will not be endangered because someone says a 30-second prayer before a football game. So what's the big deal? It's not like somebody is up there reading the entire Book of Acts. They're just talking to a God they believe in and asking him to grant safety to the players on the field and the fans going home from the game.
In Canada your basic rights are peace, order, and good government, not life, liberty or the pursuit of happiness. Our constitutional authors never cared if you were alive, free or happy as long as you're quiet and orderly and wishing for a government not comprising morons. Ignoring that for a moment, the author is correct. If the guy sitting beside me wants to quietly toady a little prayer to the disembodied voice in his head so his team will win, I'm cool with that. I think it's weird because I firmly believe that talking to voices in your head is a sign you need medication, but it's his business.
When the referee wants to make all of us toady a little prayer to a disembodied voice in the referee's head, I have a problem with that. It's not his place. It's not an appropriate venue. It's insulting to anyone who doesn't believe in that particular disembodied head-voice.
It's really inappropriate when our leaders want to talk to invisible voices in our houses of law. We elect and pay them to think and base decisions on facts, not delusions of deities.
But it's a Christian prayer, some will argue.
Yes, and this is Canada, founded on Christian principles. According to our very own phone book, Christian churches outnumber all others better than 200-to-1. So what would you expect -- somebody chanting Hare Krishna?
No. It doesn't matter what prayer it is. It would be just as wrong if we were forced to have a Muslim prayer, a Krishna prayer, or a prayer to Xenu. Nobody cares what you pray in your church. We care what you force us to pray to in public. To a thinking person, this would be blindingly obvious. Some people, blinded by faith, cannot see the obvious.
If I went to a football game in Jerusalem , I would expect to hear a Jewish prayer.
If I went to a soccer game in Baghdad , I would expect to hear a Muslim prayer.
If I went to a ping pong match in China , I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha.
And I wouldn't be offended. It wouldn't bother me one bit.
When in Rome .....
Actually, if I went to a football game in Jerusalem or Baghdad, I wouldn't expect to hear a prayer at all. I'd expect to hear soccer hooligans screaming, and gunshots from the local religious assholes down the road from the stadium who are once again spreading the love by killing the people who don't worship the same as they do. At the ping pong match, I'd expect to hear only silence except for the thwacking of the ball and cheers when someone scores.
If I did hear a prayer from the odd person in the stand, I wouldn't be offended and it wouldn't bother me a bit. If the referee led everyone in a prayer... well, refer to the top of this article.
When in Rome, you'd be at a football game. So do as the Romans do: Grab a handful of beers, get rip-roaring drunk and party it up. If you pray, people are going to think you're weird. I don't know for sure, but I'm pretty positive that even cardinals who attend from the Vatican don't pray in the stands before the game anyway.
But what about the atheists? It's another argument.
What about them? Nobody is asking them to be baptized. We're not going to pass the collection plate. Just humour us for 30 seconds. If that's asking too much, bring a Walkman or a pair of ear plugs. Go to the bathroom. Visit the concession stand. Call your lawyer!
Unfortunately, one or two will make that call. One or two will tell thousands what they can and cannot do. I don't think a short prayer at a football game is going to shake the world's foundations.
Unfortunately, it's not true that "Nobody is asking them to be baptized." The legal system of Canada has been, and legal system of the USA is rife with "blue laws" - laws that force religious (read: Christian) proscriptions on the rest of us. For example, in some US states, it's illegal to hold a public office if you don't believe in god. And although it doesn't say it outright, you can bet that "god" isn't Allah or Vishnu. In Canada the whole debate about gay marriage was largely a religious one, and in the US that same debate continues to be couched largely in religious language. Stores were closed on Sunday in Ontario for 100 years, due wholly to a religious law. I, personally, was told in the early 1990's, in Canada and barely 500 metres from Parliament Hill, that because I didn't have a Christian religion specified in my military documentation that I should expect my career to be impeded.
Forcing public prayers out of people does not shake the world's foundations... but it is the thin end of a very nasty wedge that Christians have been jamming in to the rest of us for far, far too long. We shouldn't have to humour you because you shouldn't be forcing the rest of us to do so. I'm willing to wager that if pre-event prayer time became decidedly Muslim and widespread, Christians would be shitting themselves in their righteous, religiously-prejudiced anger that a "false god" gets such public prominence.
Christians are just sick and tired of turning the other cheek while our courts strip us of all our rights. Our parents and grandparents taught us to pray before eating, to pray before we go to sleep. Our Bible tells us to pray without ceasing. Now a handful of people and their lawyers are telling us to cease praying.
God, help us. And if that last sentence offends you, well, just sue me.
That is an out-and-out lie. A Christian should be ashamed for telling it. Not a single right has been removed from any Christian.
Are Christians allowed to practice their religion? Absolutely.
Are they allowed to pray? Definitely.
Are they allowed to deny common sense, impede the growth of knowledge, lie about people who don't believe as they do, pervert children by brainwashing them with an ancient superstition? Most certainly.
Are Christians allowed to bugger little boys in their care and then squirrel-away the guilty pervert beyond the reach of law while simultaneously coercing the victims into vows of silence? Not really, but you don't see Christians leaving the church in droves over the embarrassment and shame of it either.
So what right has been removed? I'm not seeing it.
One lie there that bears a direct response is this one: Our Bible tells us to pray without ceasing. Now a handful of people and their lawyers are telling us to cease praying.
Actually, their Bible does not tell them to pray without ceasing. Quite the opposite actually. Their God through Jesus delivers a pretty stern rebuke to those who would endlessly prostrate themselves before what they imagine is their creator. Allow me to quote, from the Bible... Matthew 6, verses 5-8
5And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
6But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
7But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.
8Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.
That's right... the Bible says that God thinks you're an ass if you pray all the time because you're wasting His time. He also thinks it's inappropriate to flaunt your prayers in public. Would that more Christians actually read the Bible before they spout off about its contents. And best of all, unlike so much of the Bible, this passage doesn't leave a lot of wiggle room. It's pretty explicit.
It's time we tell the one or two who scream loud enough to be heard that the vast majority doesn't care what they want. It is time that the majority rules! It's time we tell them, "You don't have to pray; you don't have to believe in God or attend services . That is your right, and we will honour your right; but by golly, you are no longer going to take our rights away. We are fighting back!"
God bless us one and all despite all our faults We are still the greatest nation of all!
Yes, the majority rules, and in a caring society the majority protects the rights of the minority. To do otherwise is oppressive tyranny. As it happens, since Christians haven't had any rights taken away, the paragraph is highly reminiscent of an Alabama hick in the early 60's talking about Martin Luther King Jr.'s work...
It's time we's tell the one or two who scream loud enough to be heard that us majority dun care what they's want. It is time that the majority rules! It's time we's tell 'em, "Y'all dun have to be slaves; y'all dun have to ride in the back o' the bus . That's yo' right, and we's gonna honour yo' right; but by golly, no nigga's going to take our rights away. We are fighting back!"
And that's really what it's about. First it was uppity women wanting to vote and be considered people. Then it was dark-skinned people wanting to be treated like human beings. Now it's people who don't believe in a specific Bronze Age superstition (they need not be atheists, incidentally) who just want to not be harassed at every opportunity by the people who do.
No Christians are losing any rights. What's happening is that the playing field is being leveled. Instead of Christians being an advantaged group, they're being made the same as everyone else, and it's happening because it's the right thing to do. And like a bunch of cranky old plantation owners, they aren't going to give up the fight easily. And just like the 60's nobody is going to lose any rights.
In fact, since Christianity is failing throughout the Western world (atheism is on the rise in civilized countries, especially in Europe, and Canada), Christians will likely be a minority in Canada and most or all of Europe within my lifetime, and almost definitely within the lifetime of the next generation. The rules that are making Christians play fair will be the same rules that protect Christians soon enough - protecting Christians so that the future majority doesn't treat them like they have historically treated the rest of us.
Everyone who propagates this meme of lies and deception is cordially invited to please go sit on your crucifix and rotate. While you're there, take a moment to read your Bible, and educate yourself on what Christianity really believes.
http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/prayer.asp
I should have checked that, although the actual author is largely irrelevant to my evisceration of the text and the people who think it's somehow righteous. Thanks Noadi for pointing that out, and making me set things straight here. The fact that it's attributed to the wrong author further confirms the bollocksy nature of the essay. [/edit]