The ramblings of a giant squid…

Tiger Woods fucks around, and I don’t care… and neither should you

Current Events, Entertainment, Friends-Romans-Countrymen, Politics and Activism, Rules

The Great Tiger Story continues with an article in today’s Ottawa Citizen that talks about how we shouldn’t put athletes on a pedestal and how they’ve let us down before. Frankly, I am sick to death of those sorts of articles.

Although the columnist is correct about “we shouldn’t put athletes on a pedestal”, I am not sure he understands WHY we shouldn’t do so. It’s not that the athlete might not live up to our expectations in sport. Sure, that happens – abilities wax and wane – but waning abilities doesn’t seem to be what brings these people down.

What is bringing them down is their off-sport behaviour, and that’s sad for the rest of us because, really, short of criminal behaviour nobody should even know, let alone care, what some athlete does in his spare time when he or she is not playing the sport for which they are looked-up-to.

Yes, I’m saying that I don’t care if Tiger Woods got some action on the side, and I am saying that you are a pathetic excuse for a human being if you do care (unless you happen to be his wife or one of the trollops involved). It’s none of your damn business, it’s not news, and it shouldn’t be reported as news. I can’t emphasize this enough: if you care that some sports figure doesn’t behave off-court to what you consider to be an ideal, then even the oxygen you breathe is secretly shamed by your very existence.

It’s actually more important to you if your next door neighbour is running around… cuckolded spouses often flip out with firearms… your neighbour having an affair could lead to bullet holes in your house. Some sports player having an affair in a far-away place has no bearing on your existence whatsoever.

Worse still are the people who make a living off this sort of thing. News editors around the globe love this stuff and splash it all over to feed the voyeuristic lust of a population with no sense of personal boundaries when it comes to other people. Reporters should be blackballed when they come up with this stuff. Subscribers to publications should demand their money back when these sorts of tabloid-rag stories appear.

Nothing Tiger Woods does with his dick affects anyone outside his immediate circle. That’s where the caring should stop. It doesn’t matter if Angelina Jolie is buying yet-another-kid from Slobovia… that’s just irrelevant to anyone. If Gwen Stefani gets pregnant, it’s not news to anyone except Gwen and the stunt-dick involved.

But they’re in the public eye!!!!!!!11!1!11!!!!!one!!!eleven!!

You see, that’s the thing… they’re NOT in the public eye, or at least they shouldn’t be… Tiger Woods, for example, is a golfer. He is (or should be) in the public golf eye. He is not in the public divorce court eye, not in the eye of cuckolding, not in any other public eye. You want to read news about who someone is slipping the high hard one too? Follow news about Ron Jeremy – at least he’s famous for his schlong and the use thereof, and Ron has taken the time to lecture about free speech, to get a good education, and work a little toward making the world a better place.

The Ron
Why is this man famous? Because no matter what kind of basement-dwelling troll you are, you can look at this guy and say “if he can get some, so can I.” He’s better educated than pretty much every sports figure, and has put more mileage between the sheets than Tiger can ever dream of. He campaigns for free speech. If there’s someone worthy of having his dick followed in the news, this is the guy.

Imagine if the news media only reported actual news: the current events that actually shape the globe, the country you live in, the city you live in, and the neighbourhood you live in. Prying into the private lives of other people to hold them up to ridicule is just mean-spirited stupidity. You get stupider every time you read that stuff. I bet that right now, more people can tell me who the little tarts are that got the short iron from Tiger Woods than can tell me a synopsis of the climate change conference in Copenhagen. Hell, I’d guess there’s a lot of people who could tell me about Tiger but don’t even know what country Copenhagen is in, yet what happened in Copenhagen could very well shape everyone’s life starting very, very soon.

And that’s why you should be embarrassed for your existence if you care about “celebrity” news. It’s vacuous, vapid, bollocks. When you waste time reading it, you’re taking time away from gathering important information, and you’re feeding an industry of bottom feeders.

Make a resolution for the coming new year: Resolve not to care what celebrities do in their off hours. Your life will become better and happier for it. And if you still can’t keep away from the celebrity “news”, remember this:

The Stupid, It Burns

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