The ramblings of a giant squid…

How to tell if you are an asshole

Current Events, Friends-Romans-Countrymen, Politics and Activism, Rules

I am seeing the memes all over the internet again, and it occurred to me that Christmas brings out the best that assholatry has to offer, and each person, in their rest moments away from frothing at the mouth over some internet butt-hurt, may wonder:  “Am I an asshole?”

Well, I think I found out a good way to find out.  Ask yourself these questions:

  1. Do you get offended when someone says “Merry Christmas”?
  2. Does it bother you when a private company puts up a Christmas display?
  3. Do you consider it to be an attack on non-Christian minorities when someone sings a Christmas carol?
  4. Do you consider it an attack on your values when someone says “Happy Holidays”?
  5. Do you consider “Xmas” to be insulting?
  6. Do you believe there is an unseen cabal of liberals, Muslims, atheists, and other ne’er-do-wells mounting an “attack” on Christmas?
  7. Do you really, truly care what colour a Starbucks cup is?
  8. Do you have to hold back the urge to get “Get out of my country!” when someone says “Eid Mubarak” or “Happy Hannukah”?
  9. Do you fail to hold back that urge?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, there’s a really, really, really good chance that you are an asshole.

Fortunately, there is a cure.  You need this:

Shut the fuck up.

Yep, that’s just what the doctor ordered.

If you are so pathetic that you can’t stand a friendly greeting, however it is offered, then you really are an asshole.  There’s simply no other way to describe it.  This is doubly true if you ever think or say “well, it doesn’t bother me, but it could bother other people…”  Let the other people deal with it then.  If it doesn’t bother you, mind your own business.

Oh, and there’s a 10th question too, it’s just not holiday related: Do you believe that more people carrying guns will solve the shooting problems in the USA?

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