The ramblings of a giant squid…

An offer for the USA

Current Events, Friends-Romans-Countrymen, Politics and Activism

I know I’m speaking out of turn when I speak for the whole Commonwealth of Nations, but I think this is an idea whose time has come.

USA… you’re in trouble.  Look at your crop of potential next presidents.  Ouch.  Seriously.  But there is a solution.  It’s worked for millions of others and it can work for you too.  On 8 November, write in Queen Elizabeth, and rejoin the Commonwealth.

Yeah, you’re thinking “no, we kicked the King to the curb in 1776!”   Aye, that you did.  And it was kind of working out for a while.  Nobody can deny that you turned out some awesome leadership that set an example for everyone else.  When you think about it though… when was the last truly GOOD president?  Looking at what you’ve got coming up for the next while, even you have to admit it might be time for a rethink.

So we’re all willing to overlook you taking your ball and going home in 1776.  We’ll invite you back and solve your head of state problem.

With the Queen, you’ll have awesome advantages that can’t be provided by the other candidates:

  1. You already love the Royal family more than the rest of us do, now you’ll be able to revel in the scandal and voyeurism first-hand!
  2. We have reasonably hot princesses, and their hot sisters.
  3. The royal family is educated, conservative, and has a history going back longer than the USA.
  4. The queen is definitely not a Muslim – she’s a Christian who has her own church!
  5. You can collect more sports medals in the Commonwealth games.
  6. You can save money and headaches by eliminating future presidential elections.  We know who the next few are going to be for the next 100 years or so.
  7. Access to a much better selection of malt beverages.
  8. Access to good tea.
  9. The royals have long history of commanding kick-ass armies and navies.
  10. Most importantly…by and large we don’t let the royals touch anything and leave the real work of government to representatives elected directly by the people, which means they can’t butter the bread of their rich friends so easily and aren’t beholden to banks and corporations.

Vote for good sense, America.  Dump those yahoos running for President and join the Commonwealth.  The House of Windsor will be glad to have you back.

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